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The Seven WRONG Reasons People Fall In Love

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The Seven WRONG Reasons People Fall In Love

Post by Admin on Sat Feb 28, 2009 9:24 am

I love this article from Christine Akiteng. She is an internationally renowned Sexual
Confidence/Dating Coach and author of e-Books: The Art Of Seducing Out
Of Fullness, Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern, and Playing
Hard-To-Get The LoveWay.
These are the seven WRONG Reasons why people fall inlove.

Many singles who come to see me often start with "I
already know everything about dating and relationships and I do not
think I need any coaching, all I want is to know how I can find my soul
mate".

When we were teenagers and hopelessly romantic we really
didn’t care whether someone was right or wrong for us. We were
fascinated with the mere idea of being in love. But many years later,
hopefully, we’ve all learned that falling in love for all the “wrong"
reasons can quickly turn into a nightmare, a broken heart and can bring
much pain and sorrow.

There are many wrong reasons why people want to "fall in love".

Loneliness and desperation
We’ve all been here at one time or the other. You miss the closeness of being
with someone who will hold you and make you feel special. So when you
meet someone, anyone really, even an ex who treated you badly, you
think “this is better than nothing". What starts as a lonely act of
reaching out to another human being ends up in a complicated and
hurtful relationship. There is never a happy ending to a relationship
in which you sell yourself off like second hand merchandize.


Distraction from the problems in your life
Somepeople get into a relationship to avoid dealing with what is going on
in their lives. They believe that a relationship will make it all go
away or even better bring passion, purpose and excitement into their
lives. When the relationship fails to do this, which is usually the
case, they end up in the same place they were before - just themselves
and their problems. Then when they are single again, they resolve to
better their lives they set goals, buy a self help book and even attend
a couple of personal development workshops but this only lasts a few
weeks, before they start looking for someone and something to distract
them from their problems. It's a dance that never ends.

Pressure to get married and have kids
We live in a world where people have an age by which we should be married.
So you end up having a relationship just because everyone says you
should. One day you wake up to the fact that you are not in love with
your partner. Whether the pressure comes from your family, your friends
or from your own urgency, making a decision to be with someone because
of the pressure you feel is giving away your power and happiness. Is it
really worthy it?

Replaying childhood roles
Some of us use relationships to avoid growing up. We look for someone who will take
care of us or someone who needs us to be mom or dad. This has nothing
to do with one partner being younger or older, but about finding
partners who are either too domineering or emotionally immature and who
we can depend on or who depend on us. If you are a loving and caring
person but find yourself stifled by your partner’s neediness or your
partners leave you and immediately marry someone else, then may be you
need to look at the kind of choices you make and how they mirror your
childhood role.

Starving for sex
We each have our own “I got to get some or else I'll go crazy" limit. When you are so horny especially because you haven’t had sex for a long time, you can talk
yourself into having a relationship with just about anyone and can come
up with so many “good" reasons why having sex with someone you are not
even in love with is okay. There is a high price we pay for being horny
and indiscriminate - and the highs price is not just limited to below
the waist. As a conscious dater, take note of your "sex-hunger" limit
and be more careful as the time approaches to avoid jumping into the
sack with the wrong people.

Mistaking sympathy for love
This one was mine and I could easily have earned a PhD in “Love Rescue
Missions". It starts out with good intention to "make it up" for
someone who has been badly hurt either emotionally, physically or
financially and it ends with you feeling guilty for abandoning them
too. You find yourself trapped in a relationship with someone who loves
and needs you more than you do them. A relationship based on sympathy
and guilt - or on the extreme pity - is emotionally and even
spiritually unhealthy and will only end up hurting the person you are
trying to protect from being hurt.

Lack of wholeness and sense of completeness
If you’ve never had a relationship in which you feel whole and completely
fulfilled, it’s time you realized that no man or woman however much
they love you will be able to make you whole or complete. Your need for
wholeness is really your spiritual hunger. And your need for
completeness is your emotional hunger. No one is going to make you
happy and fulfilled until you are happy with yourself. What you need is
not a relationship but time to discover and love yourself before you
can expect someone else to love you.
Relationships can be your greatest source of pain or your greatest teacher, and only you can decide which one.Before
you can find and create a healthy relationship or improve the one you
are already in, you must truly get in touch with your loving self.
Until you are overflowing with love and just can’t wait to give some of
that abundance to someone else, you will continue to attract others who
bring you more emptiness, more pain and more disappointment. When you
enter into a relationship you are also standing in front of a mirror
and your partner is the reflection of yourself. When you dislike or
reject what the mirror is reflecting back to you, you become angry with
your partner. So before you begin wanting a relationship, ask yourself
if you are willing to learn more about yourself as reflected by your
partner.
And what exactly would your partner be reflecting back to you?
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